America hates Newt Gingrich – so say The Washington Examiner and the polls. And with nearly 60% of the electorate holding an ‘unfavorable’ opinion of the former Speaker of the House, it is hard to argue the point. Newt simply is not well-liked, particularly among Democrats and the ‘establishment-types’ within the Republican Party. Now, with his surprisingly comfortable win in South Carolina over the weekend, the political long knives are out, being hastily sharpened for what no doubt will be one final glorious attack, aimed at ending Newt Gingrich’s political career once and for all.
By all accounts, this should be a relatively simple task. How hard could it be, after all, defeating a career ‘DC-insider’ who, according to Democrats, wants to starve children, deprive seniors of their medications and force inner-city minority students to work as janitors; and, according to Republicans, supports an individual mandate, favors amnesty for illegals and has spent much of the last decade lining his pockets as a lobbyist, err historian, for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Indeed, defeating Newt Gingrich should be the political equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel.
To further complicate matters for Newt, he continues to run far behind his chief political opponent, Mitt Romney, in money, organization and popularity. In the next primary state (Florida), Romney and his Super PACs have already spent millions on TV ads all across the Sunshine State, while the cash-strapped Gingrich had yet to run a single TV ad with just 10 days to go until the January 31st primary. In addition to a large cash advantage, Romney (unlike Newt) also has an organizational apparatus in all 50 states (he’s been running for President practically non-stop for 5 years now); and Romney’s favorability rating among voters continues to be much higher than Newt’s.
So, how then can Newt Gingrich – the consummate inside-the-beltway politico – ever hope to gain his party’s nomination, let alone defeat Barack Obama in November? Quite easily, actually. Newt Gingrich will be the next President of the United States if he calls a press conference, stands in front of the television cameras, and delivers the following speech…
My fellow Americans, I stand before you today as a candidate for the office of the President of the United States. My candidacy, as many of you know, has been an improbable one, to say the least. It has been full of controversy, chaos and uncertainty. There were moments when we were totally broke, without a staff, and lacking a clear and coherent message. In fact, many in the national media have declared my campaign ‘dead’ on numerous occasions, some before the first votes were even cast in Iowa back on January 3rd.
But now, we find ourselves in a position where our solutions-based, ideas-oriented message is fundamentally beginning to gain a foothold with the American people. We saw this in South Carolina, where, despite all of the vicious and misleading attacks by my opponents and by the press – both on me personally and on my previous work in the Congress – the voters in that state rejected this type of destructive politics, and provided our campaign with a sweeping and historic victory that has reverberated all throughout this country.
My critics say that I am a consummate Washington insider. They say that I am more concerned with personal accolades than I am with renewing and restoring the American spirit that once was the hallmark of this great nation. They say that I am a man of unconventional and unorthodox ideas.
Well, I believe that America finds itself in need of some unconventional and unorthodox ideas. I believe that America needs to have faith in its elected officials again. That is why I am announcing today that, if elected, I will serve only one term as President of the United States. Four years, no more. Frankly, that’s all I will need. You see, if you would give me the honor and privilege of serving as your President for the next four years, I can directly and unequivocally promise you that I will spend every waking minute of those four years creating the solutions that will renew this nation’s spirit and restore our place as the bright, illuminative beacon to the rest of the world.
Without concern for a second term, I will not be beholden to any Washington lobbyists. I will not be jetting all over the country holding fundraisers. There will be no Hawaiian vacations, no golf outings, no extended stays at Martha’s Vineyard. My sole and singular focus will be on restoring the citizens’ faith and confidence in the American system of governance.
And to assist me in that endeavor, I have recruited a young man who knows what it means to have received God’s blessings of living in the freest and most democratic nation in the history of the world. Tonight, I am announcing that the United States Senator from Florida, Marco Rubio, has agreed to serve as my Vice President should you, the American people, give use the privilege of serving you. Together, Marco Rubio and I will drastically and fundamentally reduce the federal government’s role in your daily lives. We will cut federal spending, eliminate burdensome regulations, and most importantly, we will restore your faith and confidence in your government.
You see, I am not running for President for my own personal gain; I am running for President for the sole purpose of restoring America to her rightful owners – her people. Marco Rubio and I ask that you join us tomorrow to turn the page on the next chapter of this great human experiment called America. Together, we will fundamentally restore and renew America. Thank you. God bless you. And may God continue to bless the United States of America.
Now that would be truly historic…
